I waited until my divorce was final before actively beginning the process of dating. I know what I expect in a relationship and I know what I do not want. Living where I do I knew it would not be easy to meet men, thus on-line dating was the most doable option. The reader, I am sure, is aware that post virus many opportunities one once had to meet people are no longer available- virtual meet and greets are now the ‘thing’.
The key to successfully meeting someone you MIGHT like is description profiles, I keep adjusting mine. Many of the men mention in their profile that they love walks on the beach, hand holding and snuggling- I have learned this is code for ‘looking for bootie’! I have also learned that men who say they are ‘straight forward’ and don’t want ‘drama’ translates to: “I am going to tell you want I want but I don’t want to hear about what you want”. At least, this has been the case with the Black men I have interacted with.
I have been out of the dating scene for decades and I have discovered nothing has changed! It is a game, a sporting event, to some. The joy for many is the chase, I have a problem with this. I honestly want to meet someone who I can be friends with. I would like a male friend that I can confide in, laugh with and hug. The men I have encountered either want sexual intercourse or a home cooked meal- we are all to old for that!
I am aware of my issues. I am a Holy Spirit filled Christian (I speak in a heavenly language when praying) who associates with an Anglican church. I am a Conservative Trump supporter, I enjoy a political conversation as well as a Biblical one. I have been married and divorced twice. Physically, I have short hair, I walk with a cane, I am slightly above average weight but not fat and I am ‘colored’ (that’s what it says on my birth certificate); I also need some dental work. The good news is: people who know me will vouch for me- I am ‘good people’. So why is it hard for me to find someone to take me out to lunch?
After my first divorce I learned how men of color classified women. The Black men I have encountered don’t want to hear what I think. I cringe when a Black man says: “You’re a strong Black woman.” Depending on the context he is either complimenting or insulting, even the compliment can be insulting. By being referred to as a strong Black woman a man is telling ‘me’ that I don’t need them or they don’t have to support me because I can do it myself.
The Black men that I encounter who understand that women, such as myself, are not “strong Black women” but women of strong faith are married or in a relationship that will lead to marriage. Like me, most of these men are surrounded mostly by non-Black people. This is the dilemma most Black Conservatives have, there are not enough single Black Conservatives to go around. And this is a good thing!
Why should any of us be limited by pigment when the mind is so key to any successful relationship?
My good friend, the one I confide in and who encourages me when I am down, is a white male. We have discussed my dating woes and his assessment of me is that I had more of a stereotypical White person than Black. (Note: he was a bit more blunt but people have a tendency to take things the wrong way so I paraphrased it.) One of my sisters, I have six, suggested that I date White men; she is an intellectual and a Liberal with similar problems. I am not against dating outside my race.
What has triggered my decision to actively consider dating a non-Black man was the last two Black men I almost went on dates with. Once these men realized I was not going to have sex with them the conversation turned to cooking. Both men made it very clear they did not and were not going to talk politics and both men also made it clear that they were not going to talk religion. Well, I am not about to spend hours exchanging recipes and I am not going to fix a Sunday meal for a man I just met. What other conversations are there? I consider myself a hybrid-Prepper, I not only want to travel the United States but I want to go camping, I am fascinated by different cultures throughout history- none of these activities are conversations these men want to have.
Since I updated my on-line profile the interest in me, with Black men, has decreased. The first line reads: “I am a Trump supporter; I am an unconfirmed Anglican.” I think it throws men off when they also discover I am a cigar smoker and I am not immune to having an adult beverage. My profile is strategically written to eliminate the men who say that want a particular type of woman but don’t really. As I write, I checked my page and discovered there are quite a few White men who like my profile. If a man can read my profile and decide they want to get to know me more then even if things don’t work out they will at least walk away with a friend and maybe even a great Sunday dinner to boot!
Truth be told, I do have more in common with non-Black people in general. Written by Marsha L Floyd